The I Love Yous
by Labrynth
Summary: More Discord chat. Takes place a few months after the resort and after Natasha nearly died on a mission. i was far too lazy to edit it as well as the other two because it's so long.


lethallittlespiderx

"More chocolate and maybe I'll tell you."

onlylivestwice

"I don't have any right now. Hmm. Is that your way of asking me to go out and get you some?"

lethallittlespiderx

"You really want to leave the tub right now?'

onlylivestwice

"I was going to point that out."

lethallittlespiderx

"Guess you'll have to wait then. Information for chocolate."

onlylivestwice

"I'd offer an exchange of chocolate for kisses but it seems Natasha really is a female on the inside. For a long time I thought you were too far lost."

lethallittlespiderx

"You're still missing the aforementioned chocolate, so chocolate for kisses still won't work. And if you haven't figured out I'm female by now then I fear you are a lost cause."

onlylivestwice

"Heh. Though I think you miss my meaning. I know very well you're female. Just that for the longest while you appeared far too lost to the Widow to even consider your own self and I could see it. I'll admit it. It pissed me off."

lethallittlespiderx

"If someone doesn't appreciate good dark chocolate they have no soul. So what you're saying then, is that you're a terrible influence."

onlylivestwice

"No. I'm a good one. Because you're alive."

lethallittlespiderx

"mm, alive and without chocolate. There's a failure on someone's part here."

onlylivestwice

"Do you really want me to leave this tub?"

lethallittlespiderx

"I imagine it's colder out there than it is in here."

onlylivestwice

"Then do shut up."

lethallittlespiderx

"If I shut up I can't read, unless you prefer me to read to myself now."

onlylivestwice

"That's alright. You not making up your mind whether you want me to go and get you some chocolate or remain in the tub is just infuriating."

lethallittlespiderx

"Well, if I made it easy you would be concerned I'd been replaced with a clone."

onlylivestwice

"Then I might shoot you. On reflection, I probably should have done that the first time I met you."

lethallittlespiderx

"Always a viable solution I suppose. If you had though, we'd both be dead."

onlylivestwice

"Ohhhh. Fighting talk."

lethallittlespiderx

"Maybe. Or maybe you're alive as much as I am for the same reasons."

onlylivestwice

"That depends solely on your definition of how you assume the mantle you're assigned."

lethallittlespiderx

"Ah, I see. So you felt exactly the same way about the little blonde tart as you do me. And how often have you sat in a bathtub this long, listening to someone read to you and consider leaving it to go for chocolate for said someone?"

onlylivestwice

"No, not at all."

lethallittlespiderx

"Didn't think so."

onlylivestwice

There was a long silence, uncomfortable even before he spoke again. "I was more referring of what is expected of me and how we all perceive that. I was under no illusion of what was expected of me. I just believed for the longest while that you were too far gone."

lethallittlespiderx

"Maybe I was. I'm here now."

onlylivestwice

"You are." Another pause. "She meant nothing to me."

lethallittlespiderx

A small, knowing smile. "I'm aware. Otherwise it would be her here and not me."

onlylivestwice

"That was never going to happen."

lethallittlespiderx

"She was as safe to you as hiding in the job was to me. A way to avoid commitment. Any entanglements. Any reason to care."

onlylivestwice

"Then I was lost."

lethallittlespiderx

"And now you're here. With me."

onlylivestwice

He pressed his forehead against her back and closed his eyes. Somehow it brought back a painful reminder of words he didn't want to repeat to anyone, so he remained silent, played it coy, kissing a spot on her shoulder lightly, a distraction from everything.

lethallittlespiderx

Book sat aside and she pulled his arms around her. "We are two halves of a whole. We've both lived the same life. We've both made choices. Some of them wiser than others. And we were both taken by surprise. But we're here now and we can see where it goes or we can choose to walk away. I made my choice in Thailand."

onlylivestwice

As soon as his arms were pulled around her, he tightened, didn't need the encouragement. "Are you really asking me what my choice is right now? Because I think you know." Another horrendous pause. "Do you really have that much doubt in your mind about me? Or is it lacking in your own self belief and confidence?"

lethallittlespiderx

This time she laughed softly, fingers reaching under the water to his. "No. I don't doubt anything. You're here. With me. That's what I know."

onlylivestwice

"Good. Because I have no intention of walking away."

lethallittlespiderx

"Good to know, though it hadn't crossed my mind. If you were going to do that you'd have been gone by now."

onlylivestwice

"Hmm. Well, I might go to retrieve that chocolate..."

lethallittlespiderx

"Then I'll be dry and dressed by the time you get back."

onlylivestwice

"Then it depends on how much you want that chocolate over me and yes, this is what I chose, even if it means visits at night to somewhere that sells some damn Bournville." Though undoubtedly he'd buy something far better than that garbage. If all this didn't tell her enough though, then he was stumped.

lethallittlespiderx

A grin and she snuggled back against him. "I'd rather have you. Right here. Just like this."

onlylivestwice

"Oh? Going to tell me what you meant then?" He purposefully pressed a kiss just under her ear.

lethallittlespiderx

Head tilted ever so slightly to give him better access. "I seem to rapidly be forgetting how this whole conversation started."

onlylivestwice

His lips curved upwards into a smirk, brushing now against her earlobe. "Maybe I'll stop."

lethallittlespiderx

A shiver ran down her spine. "Hmm, I suppose you could. But we both know you don't want to. I could continue reading if you'd like."

onlylivestwice

"Felt that," he hummed against her ear, arms tightening around her. "You might be right. I can't get enough of you," he whispered in between the slow kisses that trailed down her collarbone. "You consume me."

lethallittlespiderx

She relaxed back, head dropping back against him. "Do I now? And here I thought it was the other way around." Hand gripped his thigh. "And is there anything you'd like me to do for you?"

onlylivestwice

"I don't think you have any idea." His teeth dug into her shoulder. "Make it so my first and last words from my lips is your name." With them everything seemed to be beyond intense, passionate, romantic. She was special. He just didn't know if she'd believe him yet.

lethallittlespiderx

A sharp intake of breath. Another shiver as fingers dug into his leg. Other hand reached behind her, winding around his neck. "Then say my name James. I am yours. Always yours."

onlylivestwice

He kissed her neck slowly, deliberately, heat rising from his lips alone. "Natasha."

lethallittlespiderx

She wasn't even standing and she felt her knees go weak. Fingers played at the nape of his neck, nails dragging through his hair. "The last word will be many years from now." And she was ok with that. Looking forward to those years. It was something she never thought she would want or have. His mouth on her neck made her moan softly, her body focused solely on the sensation. "And if you forget..." _gasp_ "I'll remind you."

onlylivestwice

His lips took delight in the next few kisses against her neck. There was a content sigh from him. But he still tried to ignore the obvious. He was so weak to her, intoxicated even. It was heady and he felt his pulse quicken. The atmosphere was heavy with them so lost in one another. It was almost embarrassing if he could find it in him to care. "I never forgot. I couldn't. You've ensnared me. Caught me in the web you spun. I can't leave it. I tried. I'm yours in every way. One day you'll see it." He stilled. He wanted to say it, but couldn't. _Make love to me, Natasha. Ride me. Find your pleasure with me inside of you._ The only way he could stop himself was to claim her lips, his tongue meeting her own.

lethallittlespiderx

If there was a part of her that didn't belong to him she had no idea what it might be. Her body sang at his touch. Her heart had skipped more than a few beats in his presence. And he was nearly constantly in her mind. There was simply no part if her she hadn't given him. His mouth on hers brought a small sound of pleasure. Their tongues twisted together and she felt the familiar response in her body. When they broke apart, panting, she rolled over in his arms to meet his eyes. "Mine," was all she said before her mouth took his again. Knees settled on either side of him and she was over him then. Hand moved down his chest to grip him. It was a heady feeling... them filling the room, him under her. "Is this what you want me to do to you?" It was asked against his lips.

onlylivestwice

His hands rolled from her shoulders down to her hips, caressing every inch of her with a soft touch. The grasp when it arrived was firm. Refusing to back down quite so easily, he kept his eyes fixed on her own. "Am I becoming that readable now?"

lethallittlespiderx

"Sometimes," she answered easily with a smile. Moving upright she hovered over him a moment before coming down slowly. Taking a small part of him until she rose again only to press back down until she had taken even more. Eyes closed, bottom lip between teeth, hands resting on his shoulders. Until she had him completely. There was something about this feeling, him inside of her, all of him surrounding her, that made her feel like all of her pieces had been carefully put back together. She didn't move when she opened her eyes again but met his once more. A beat before she leaned in, lips skimming across his own then moving to his cheeks, his forehead, his eyes, his jawline... Gently, the heat that always rose between them a smouldering as opposed to the all consuming inferno that usually happened. "Mine," she whispered in his ear a beat before rocking her hips slowly against him.

onlylivestwice

His grip tightened and eased with each tease and he wore a content smile, eye contact broken only while she settled her way around him completely. They found each's again, his hands roaming up her sides, brushing over her breasts and back down again, holding her hips. He was always the one making proclamations such as 'mine' and he wasn't going to fault her for her claim either. "Yours," he agreed, one hand leaving her waist to cup around her face. His lips were on her own again, warm, hungry and inviting. There was only encouragement from him, urging her to do what she wanted.

lethallittlespiderx

His hands left trails of fire in their wake, a slow moving lava that she felt in her entire being. Had there been any hope of keeping herself separate from him, protecting any part of herself, it was completely lost. Hand on her face before he kissed her again, a low sound from her throat. Hips rocked slowly, enjoying the feel of him as always. The words were there but she hesitated, unsure, maybe unwilling, to say them. Instead she dipped to his neck, teeth raking him before kissing the same spot. A section of hair fell from the clip she held the red mass up with, tickling her face, moving along his skin as she did. Like this, she was content, the rest of the world no longer existing. Nothing beyond these four walls. Nothing inside them except him. " _Ty moy, i ya tvoy, i ya vsegda budu lyubit' tebya_ ," she said against the same spot. _You are mine and I am yours and I will always love you._

onlylivestwice

A laboured sigh, pleasured and content left him. His eyes now closed, giving into the sensations. The warmth and the way she felt around him, her body moving above him. Hands remained loose on her hips, guiding her, letting her do what what she pleased. At some point he knew he'd flip her over. But not yet. Just not yet. The Russian from her lips came in a silky stream, thrumming against his neck, and he couldn't help but shudder from the combination of lips, teeth and breath against a sensitive spot on his neck, try as he might to repress it.

Opening his eyes he noticed the hair that loosened from her clip, reaching up, he pried it away, freeing her hair completely, letting it fall against the both of them. It was heavenly. "You're beautiful."

lethallittlespiderx

Motion faltered when he spoke and after a moments hesitation she smiled at him. "Maybe you made me that way." And he had. Had softened the hard edges. Thawed the ice inside of her. A curtain of reds around them. Hands roamed his torso freely, leisurely. Scars, planes of muscle, and the way his skin pulled here and there. It was all free game beneath her fingers. Rising only enough to release him half way before taking him in again, her motions were bigger now though still lazy. In no hurry to end this.

onlylivestwice

His hands mimicked her movements, fingers dipping into holes where taut skin used to be, sliding over silky scars, committing all of her to his memory or was it only a reminder of what he'd learned so well at the resort. Eyes found her own again, when his hands cupped her breasts, fingers rolling slowly and deliberately over her nipples, teasing them into hardened peaks. "Oh, no," he whispered, though he had to work on steadying his breathing as she made more deliberate movements. Next words slightly stunted. Short. "Can't forget the outfit. The Czech..."

lethallittlespiderx

Back arched, her body completely his. And he knew exactly where and how to touch it. A shiver when her nipples came to full attention under his fingers.  
Natasha laughed, the smile lighting up her face. "Ah a fan of the black body suit are we?" Another movement..., halfway out then completely in. His faltering words making her grin at him. "Czech... mmm... no, still Russian _dorogoy_." Mouth nibbled along his jaw to his ear, teeth tugging at the ear lobe. Then a breath and a kiss just behind it. Water threatened the upper edge of the tub but she didn't care. Hell the water could turn ice cold and she wouldn't feel it. All she could feel was him. All she _wanted_ to feel was him. "You are the perfect fit inside of me," she murmured into his ear before teeth found the lobe again.

onlylivestwice

Not the time to think of that old mission anyway. It really wasn't. That man could have been a Pharaoh and right now he didn't give a damn. The nibbling was returned with one of his own, nipping her ear and digging his teeth into her neck. His fingers rolled over her breasts again, finding joy in the way they felt in his hands.  
"Yes..." he breathed. Though that hadn't been what she was wearing. It was the backside and then the dress she used to lure their target into her room. Still, forming those words failed him and the thought quickly died as she moved on top of him again. "It feels fantastic. You always do." Mind blowing in fact. Sex hadn't been like this for him since the resort and before that who knew when. His hands took hold of her hips again, this time taking some control, grinding her down into him. He took a deep breath, knowing it felt just as good to him as the question he was about to ask after."And how does that feel?"

lethallittlespiderx

Body shuddered under his touches, breath coming in short gasps. Was it possible to do this all night? Maybe. She'd be willing to find out. Had he spoken those words she would have laughed, completely unaware he'd been paying the least bit of attention to her backside or the dress. In fact he'd seemed more annoyed that the target wasn't being acquired the way he wanted more than anything else. His hands tight on her hips made her groan and it only got louder when he pressed her down into him. Small shudders shook her legs at it. A hand found a favorite scar and she traced it again, nails dragging across it lightly. "It feels like it's exactly where you're supposed to be." A twitch of her lips when she looked at him. "I believe the term you used was bloody wonderful."

onlylivestwice

His hands worked her body with more insistence, eyes squeezed shut, savouring every movement that she was making as pleasure rose throughout his body. Her words prompted a breathy chuckle from him and a hand couldn't resist slipping from her hips to her backside, grasping it firmly in the palm of his hand. "Tell me what you want."

lethallittlespiderx

Small quivers, her body gripping him. She laughed again, throaty, when he grasped her ass. "I want you to never stop touching me."

onlylivestwice

His hands roamed over her body, moving up over her thighs under the water, up over her curves until his hands were at her breasts, rolling his thumbs over her peaks. "Don't need to ask me twice."

lethallittlespiderx

Fingers found the back of his neck, sharp trails along the skin and into his hair. "I didn't know I needed anyone." She bent, kissing him gently, lingering. "Until you maybe I didn't." _Oh but I do now._ Hips continued to move. Eyes stayed closed while she did it. His roaming fingers sending sparks down her nerve endings. "I think I..." the words trailed off, her mouth against his again. She could feel it build. Feel the tingling sensation begin to gather.

onlylivestwice

Bond couldn't find the words. The remark about her being just as lonely as he died as soon as it was thought of. By this point, he was far more interested in her pleasure. On that matter, he knew what she was feeling from the words, the slight rigidness to her body and he knew her excitement was building, his was too even though he was silently grateful that he'd managed to keep himself from being too lost in her this time. The kiss she'd swallowed her own words with was tolerated for a small while, allowing her to explore his mouth and he returned the favour in kind, but when he broke away it was clear that he had other ideas. The hands on her hips guided her, his lips now on her breast, his tongue working circles over the trails his fingers left earlier.

lethallittlespiderx

Pace increased and his hands on her hips sent a shock to her core. His mouth against her pulled his name as a gasp from her. Head dropped back, end of her hair trailing in the cooling water. She gave herself over to him entirely letting the way he moved her rise until she couldn't hold back the tide. Spams hit, legs trembling, hands holding tightly to his shoulders, her body spasming around his, asking for his release too. "Oh God yes." Shudders shook her entire body now and she whimpered, the feeling wiping away everything but him. "James..." But she could get no more out, another powerful contraction in her lower body.

onlylivestwice

His own climax arrived shortly after, the rolling sensation of her own pleasure around him being enough to tip him over an edge. Body tensing, his fingers dug into her hips and with a rumbling groan, his own waves of pleasure shot through his core leaving him boneless and panting lightly. "Natasha..." he whispered, bringing her back down to kiss her affectionately.

lethallittlespiderx

She fell against him feeling rather content and possibly entirely unable to move. Laughing softly against his neck she asked, "Aren't you glad you didn't go for chocolate now?"

onlylivestwice

"I am," he agreed with his own laugh. "But what about you?"

lethallittlespiderx

"Mmm no complaints from me." Head tucked in against his neck. "You know this wasn't what I actually what I intended when I suggested a bath."

onlylivestwice

"I had _no_ idea."

lethallittlespiderx

"One of these days we'll be naked in the same room and not have sex." Highly unlikely

onlylivestwice

"You're asking far too much of me when you look as good as you do."

lethallittlespiderx

"Ahh, so you only love me as long as I look good. Should my hair ever fall out, or heaven forbid I grow old then you will be ready to get rid of me. Is that it?" she teased.

onlylivestwice

He ignored the word and pressed onwards. "Always trying to catch me out, aren't you? You'll always look good to me. You should have more faith in your abilities and what you can do to me."

lethallittlespiderx

"Well, we know for certain I can wear you out in a single night."

onlylivestwice

"That should tell you more than you need to know."

lethallittlespiderx

"Perhaps I should dress like an old school teacher. Then maybe you can resist."

onlylivestwice

"That's just cruel."

lethallittlespiderx

"So you're saying it would work then."

onlylivestwice

"Well... I'd just undress you."

lethallittlespiderx

"I don't know, I'm sure there are a lot of layers to that look."

onlylivestwice

"You love teasing me, don't you?"

lethallittlespiderx

She was grinning, knowing he couldn't see it from where he was. "I had no idea what you mean. I am merely trying to figure out the parameters of your statement Mr. Bond."

onlylivestwice

"Oh, I'm sure you are."

lethallittlespiderx

"Maybe you would prefer a nun then."

onlylivestwice

"Oh, yes, because you're an absolute saint."

lethallittlespiderx

"Oh now you're going to hell for sure for that one." She poked him in the side with a finger.

onlylivestwice

"I was going anyway if such a place existed."

lethallittlespiderx

"I really can't believe you cast doubt on my sainthood."

onlylivestwice

"You're with me. Instant excommunication."

lethallittlespiderx

"Or maybe my sainthood saves you too."

onlylivestwice

His arms were looped around her and he wanted to tell her he was beyond saving though somehow he felt that those words would only hurt. "Well... You make me happy."

lethallittlespiderx

If he was damned so was she. She'd been doing questionable things for far longer than he had even been alive. "Well sure, right now while I still have my hair and I don't look as old as you..."

onlylivestwice

"Natasha..." His hands squeezed her gently. "I'm not running."

lethallittlespiderx

"You know, you seem much more concerned about if I think you're running than I do. Which is not at all by the way. Like I said before, if you were going to, you'd have been long gone by now."

onlylivestwice

"You say things that are so self deprecating I wonder if you doubt my intentions or if you lack self belief in you being able to carry this with me."

lethallittlespiderx

Moving so she could see him, her hands went to his face. She knew the lines and planes as well as her own these days. Knew every millimeter of it. How it looked when he gave a genuine smile. How his mouth moved when he said her name. How his eyes squinted when he wasn't sure if he should take her seriously. "James Andrew Bond. I am not going anywhere. I have no anticipation that you are either. Whatever the future holds for us, we will face it together. We will figure it out _together_."

onlylivestwice

He smiled cockily. "Good so you should. You're stuck with me now."

lethallittlespiderx

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing."

onlylivestwice

"I can live with that..."

lethallittlespiderx

The words were there but she held back, head dipping instead to kiss him. "I don't scare easy. Good luck trying to get rid of me. Besides, I've nearly gotten you broken in."

onlylivestwice

"oh? Have you now?"

lethallittlespiderx

"Of course. You're willing to leave a warm bath full of naked female to go get chocolate."

onlylivestwice

"To make you happy."

lethallittlespiderx

"You make me happy."

onlylivestwice

"That's been the plan all along."

lethallittlespiderx

"Mission accomplished then."

onlylivestwice

"I love it when everything goes to plan."

lethallittlespiderx

"So there was a plan?"

onlylivestwice

"Eventually.. Yes."

lethallittlespiderx

"Do tell."

onlylivestwice

"What is there to tell? Just that from the moment you gave into me I wanted to make you happy."

lethallittlespiderx

"The first time we slept together?"

onlylivestwice

"No. But not soon after that."

lethallittlespiderx

"So you just wanted to seduce me first then." Her tone was teasing. "You did just want in my pants."

onlylivestwice

"I hold my hands up and admit it. Yes. At first."

lethallittlespiderx

"Water's getting cold."

onlylivestwice

"Natasha..." he kept tight hold of her.

lethallittlespiderx

"I'm not mad James. It's what I expected even then."

onlylivestwice

"Things changed very quickly for me."

lethallittlespiderx

Thumb traced his cheekbone. "Neither of us expected this."

onlylivestwice

He looked down at her bundled into him. "You have no idea..."

lethallittlespiderx

A soft laugh. "Oh I think I do." She still remembered the wave of panic when she realized she had fallen for him. "This is where we are now. And the water is still getting cold."

onlylivestwice

With his arms around her he sat up slowly. "Go on. Get out."

lethallittlespiderx

A gentle kiss before she stood. "You going to dry me off?"

onlylivestwice

"Are you trying to tempt me again?" He followed suit.

lethallittlespiderx

"At your age that would be dangerous."

onlylivestwice

"You know I'd teach you a lesson."

"Speaking of lessons. You still haven't told me what you were saying in Russian."

lethallittlespiderx

"Hardly. But you can always try." She paused as she reached for a towel. "Which part exactly?"

onlylivestwice

"All of it." He took a towel too.

lethallittlespiderx

"Well we did make it through two chapters. I suppose I could give you a literal translation if you like."

onlylivestwice

"No. What you say to me specifically."

lethallittlespiderx

" _Dorogoi_ or _dorogoy_. It means darling or dearest." She had the grace to offer a faint blush as she wrapped the towel around herself.

onlylivestwice

He rubbed her body through the towel. "That's really... I'm trying to think of a word and unexpected comes to mind. And what about everything else?"

lethallittlespiderx

"Is there something else you'd rather I call you?" Holding still for him to dry her off she chuckled. "I have other things that have possibly come to mind on more than one occasion."

onlylivestwice

So she was avoidant and he knew the tactic well. For now his hands worked over her in silence.

lethallittlespiderx

"I could ask around, see if anyone you know can offer suggestions."

onlylivestwice

"No. Don't be stupid."

lethallittlespiderx

"Maybe I should teach you Russian."

onlylivestwice

"With how avoidant you're being I believe that's probably around last on your list."

lethallittlespiderx

She sighed. "Must you always make things so difficult?"

onlylivestwice

"You wouldn't have me any other way."

lethallittlespiderx

"Don't tempt me."

onlylivestwice

"So you'd rather I just went along with everything?"

lethallittlespiderx

"I'm pretty sure your head would explode if you tried."

lethallittlespiderx

"I am yours and you are mine," Natasha answered finally. "If there's anything more I will tell you when I think you're ready to hear it."

onlylivestwice

He smiled and took his own towel, drying himself off.

Wrapping it around his waist he made his move towards her again, his hands working the towel for her again. It was affectionate. "I've not been with someone in this way for a long time. I'm out of practice," he explained, still unable to shake that smile he wore.

lethallittlespiderx

A quick wave if her hand, dismissing it. "We both are." Which was true. Her maybe even more so. Had she been like this with anyone really? Not that she could think of anyway. She had run from her feelings for him before. Was this the same thing or was it now, out of the heat of the moment, that cooler heads prevailed. That was something she didn't know for sure. "Neither one of us needs definitions or labels for this. We're fine as it is."

onlylivestwice

"Now that I can agree with." His hands rolled over the towel, continuing to dry her off. "So..." he craned his head over her, looking around. "This is your little place in London?"

lethallittlespiderx

"For a while anyway. It's on loan. " Eyes closed and she held still, trying to ignore the feeling of his hands on her, even through the towel. Christ her reaction to him was ridiculous. "I figured you were tired of having me under foot all the time."

onlylivestwice

"Well..." His hands rolled the towel over her hair, not that he saw much of a point with hair that long but she must have enjoyed it. "You stay out my way most of the time and you don't talk non-stop. You've not been unpleasant company." But, yes, she was right. It wasn't a good idea to be at his flat all the time.

lethallittlespiderx

She wrinkled her nose at him, cracking an eye from under the towel. "Good to know," she answered wryly. This thing had already moved at light speed and she knew neither of them were prepared to that kind of step. Besides, to people like them, sharing space was often difficult. Downtime, your own space, was often sacred. "This isn't too far from you or my... place." Bolt hole she meant. "Stark has terrible decorating taste, but it's not like I'll be here a lot. I'll likely go back to working soon."

onlylivestwice

"Stark? Tony Stark?" He blinked and looked back at her. "This is his place?" Would make sense. Would definitely make sense. Property in London didn't come cheaply.

lethallittlespiderx

"It is now. I assume he bought the building. Though it's possible he might have just bought this space." He had tried to pawn off some fancy penthouse on her and she'd refused. To be fair it was something he already owned. Still... "He owes me a few favors." That was putting it mildly. And hey, he'd had no comment on the idea of her going back to work. Her gait wasn't quite right still and she still struggled with the sensation in her lower half at times, but if she stayed idle too much longer she was going to go stir crazy. At least now she could defend herself. Mostly. "And I'm still technically dead, so ..." She shrugged.

onlylivestwice

His hands paused their movements on her hair. "Being dead is... Well... Enjoyable." Sort of. It was also punctuated with long periods of misery, kind of like the black pit and void he assumed it was. Or maybe that was just the alcohol and any substance he could get his hands on really deadening his ability to feel anything at all. "I'm certainly not judging you for remaining dead."

lethallittlespiderx

"It has its perks." This was true. And it meant people weren't watching for her now. Or at least not as closely as they would be otherwise. "No rest for the wicked though," she offered with a grin and pulled away from him, finger combing her hair enough to begin to braid it out of the way. "Besides, you refuse to spar with me and I'll never recover completely if I don't. I'm not cut out to be a stay at home anything."

onlylivestwice

"You really want me to fight you?" He'd had some martial arts training, some he was more handy at than others. Just one of those sides of the job. But then he supposed she knew that. "How long have you wanted to fight me for anyway?" He was far more interested to know that.

lethallittlespiderx

"Oh don't get too excited now Bond." Hair tie around the end of the braid and she looked over her shoulder at him. "Besides, I'd flatten you in a few minutes tops." Turning she leaned back against the counter, butt resting against it and crossed her arms over her chest. "I've not given nearly as much thought to it as you hope. But basic gym workouts aren't going to recover what I lost." No, she'd lost weight, muscle, speed, endurance, agility... everything. And there was only one way to get it back. Hopefully before those deficits got her actually dead this time.

onlylivestwice

"Too normal for you, am I?" Normal. That was a joke!

lethallittlespiderx

She laughed at that. "Hardly. No less normal than I am in that regard."

onlylivestwice

"Sure. I'll spar you," he said with a shrug.

lethallittlespiderx

"Oh sure, now you want to. I'm certainly not doing it naked." And was there even room for it here?

onlylivestwice

"Don't be ridiculous. I didn't mean right this minute now. I meant in the future. Whenever that happens to be." He grinned, quite mischievously, though he was aware of her skills, he still couldn't help himself. "Who knows. You might learn something if you pay attention."

lethallittlespiderx

"Mmm Hmm. Yes, you might. I'll try not to pull my punches, but don't expect me to kiss it better if you get hurt."

onlylivestwice

"I said you."

lethallittlespiderx

"Oh I'm fully aware of what you said, I didn't go deaf you know."

onlylivestwice

"The difference is I might kiss you better."

lethallittlespiderx

Brow raised and a grin pulled at her mouth but she didn't quite give in to it. "And if I'd rather have chocolate?"

onlylivestwice

"Then at that point you can go out and bloody well buy it yourself."

lethallittlespiderx

"Awful testy about this chocolate thing, weren't we?"

onlylivestwice

"When you prefer it to my kissing, yes, you can get it yourself," he said with a smile.

lethallittlespiderx

"Maybe you should remind me. Make sure I remember it correctly."

onlylivestwice

He couldn't resist. Making his way over, a hand slipped up to cup her face. "Look at me," he whispered, locking his eyes with her own for a short while before they fell closed, lips brushing against her own tenderly.

lethallittlespiderx

Heart skipped a beat and her stomach flopped over at his touch. Dammit he always managed to do this to her. Eyes met his only to fall closed as he leaned in. His mouth on hers was easy, tender but it still made her catch her breath. Arms wound around his waist, pulling him closer. He was so embedded into every fiber of her being that he might as well be a part of her DNA now. "If you keep kissing me like that, we're going to end up..." Well, they were already naked but damn did she have no resistance at all?

onlylivestwice

"Making love again?" he remarked against her lips, fixed on her eyes once more. "Which other surfaces can we find that will royally piss off Mister Stark?" Though he didn't know him personally, only what he'd heard. So that would certainly be her call.

lethallittlespiderx

Natasha snickered. "He'd probably cheer you on knowing Stark. Might even have the balls to ask for a full report in the morning, since he'll never find out for himself. Odds are good he'll sell this place as soon as I'm done with it." It was then his first words truly filtered in and she looked up at him trying to reel in her surprise.

onlylivestwice

He was quite oblivious to the way she was looking at him and pressed on. "Oh, sure, I'd give him the report. A report that tells him to mind his own business. But it'd fool him. Just for long enough for him to think it was official. I think that might actually amuse you." What happened between them was private, intimate, and remained between them as far as he was concerned. Besides he'd heard of Stark, who hadn't? Rumours went around. More for someone who was far more in the public profile than Bond would ever be.

lethallittlespiderx

"Tony isn't quite as complicated as people make him out to be." He wasn't simplistic either, but he had a sense of humor and would likely be amused. Besides, he'd hit on her half heartedly for longer than she could remember and she had never taken him seriously. How could she? "Besides, I'd just tell him that personally. He's heard the words _none of your damn business_ from me in more than one language on a number of occasions." She was still thrown, trying to recover before that conversation happened. "He gets upset when I get past his security. Then he tries to improve it and I just get past it again." Her head was reeling, words tripping over in her brain. She had no desire to discuss their relationship with anyone else. While they hadn't kept it a secret really, they also hadn't advertised. Both of them being content to play homebody for the most part since she'd returned from the dead. "I think if you gave him a real report he'd probably try to warn me off."

onlylivestwice

He laughed loudly at that explanation. He was never really one for the rich and the famous, but whatever. It was interesting to hear, and he happened to enjoy her talking. There was something he could relate to in the way she crafted her words, a certain similar wavelength that only they could quite possibly understand. "But sending him an actual report that looks real enough only to reveal the contents that say 'Mind your damn business.' in my personal handwriting is much more amusing. "Ah... Is this another one of those 'Your reputation precedes you, James' situations?" Did Stark know of him? Possibly.

lethallittlespiderx

"Ah no, I mean if you actually told him anything about what happened, he'd warn me off. Probably give me the report himself so I'd know." Arms were still loosely around his waist and despite his body heat, she shivered slightly. They should probably get dressed again at some point. "If you did that he'd link the two of us. He didn't ask too many questions when I asked for a place here. But he gave me a look." Mostly a _what are you up to now Natasha_ look. But she was used to that as well. Most of them had learned not to ask too many questions. "He did find it amusing I was staying in London for a while and not returning to New York."

onlylivestwice

Bond shook his head. "No. I'd never tell a soul. I deal with secrets and this is one of ours. Anyone who wants to know anything about us other than the basics, i.e. 'we are together.' will be told it's nothing to do with them." Or greeted with a stern look. His arms returned the gesture, slipping around her waist. "Ahh... So that's where you base yourself. It's probably my favourite city in the world to visit. I never turn down an opportunity to go. So who else do you work with? Who do you consider friends? Or as close as you can consider a friend, anyway." They were rarer than lovers in their line of work, it seemed.

lethallittlespiderx

Somehow it made her smile. "Does that include your buddies?" Surely they had been asking questions by now. "I just assumed you knew that." And she had. Most people knew NYC was considered her home base. Even those people she would prefer didn't. At least the location of her brownstone was better guarded than the last time. "It's all right. Busy." She'd never really considered it home exactly. Just a place to crash when the need arose. Then again had she ever really considered any place home? That was something she couldn't answer. She had never truly belonged anywhere, so no where was ever really home. "I don't think there are many of those," she answered finally. No, she had cut nearly everyone out of her life when she realized what they had done to her had effected her emotions as well as her brain. "Barton still claims me." Which was true. The man had nearly gone nuclear when she told him she was alive. Demanding to know where she was. It had taken her hours to convince him she was fine.

onlylivestwice

"No. I wouldn't tell them. I don't kiss and tell." Yes, he'd known where she lives, thanks to the Queen of all people, but where was the fun in that? Though there was a small pang of jealousy at the mention of the other male in her life. Really, Bond? You were going to get jealous and possessive now? He had to shake it away, even if the tense silence was rather telling on his behalf. "As long as I can stake my claim to the important parts then that's all that matters."

lethallittlespiderx

"You don't eh? Exactly how do those rumors get started then?" But she was smiling. Unconcerned. She felt it though she certainly wouldn't knock him for it. There was a certain blonde she has already dealt with. "Relax old man." Hands roamed his back now just enjoying the feel of him under her fingers. "Clint hasn't seen me naked in years. Whereas I can't ever seem to find my clothes around you."

onlylivestwice

She'd slept with him too? Now there was for sure an uneasiness in the tenseness of his back, that she could undoubtedly feel. Maybe that was an assumption on his part. Nevertheless he wore a frown. "I don't know. Ask them. I don't speak about it."

lethallittlespiderx

"If it weren't for Clint I'd either be dead or still controlled by my handlers." She let that sink in for a moment, hands never becoming still. "He's the only person in my entire life who has never doubted me." All right maybe a time or two but it never lasted. "Clint is my best friend. Nothing more. Not in a long time." Her lips found his neck. If he stayed this close for this long she was compelled to touch him. "Hmm the last one I had that discussion with decided she didn't want to play with me." Her tone was sly but even. "I believe I'll leave the rest of them where they belong. Behind us."

onlylivestwice

"Alright," he murmured, finally giving in and letting it go, had to really, even if that jealousy still hung around in the pit of his stomach. Relaxing, especially when her lips touched his neck, prompting an almost shuddering breath from him. Hated how she could do that already. Her other words brought his eyes back open, suddenly alert. "Wait a minute. What do you mean the last one you had a discussion with?"

lethallittlespiderx

His pulse beat beneath her mouth for a moment before she worried it enough to know he'd have a small mark in the morning. Hers. He was hers. "Aah." Now she'd done it. Not that she was the least but sorry. "I simply made sure there wouldn't be any confusion at a later date."

onlylivestwice

He extracted himself away from her. "What are you talking about?"

lethallittlespiderx

With a sigh she threw up her hands. Shoving away from the counter she snagged a short robe and pulled it on. "You're really going to get bent out of shape about this?"

onlylivestwice

"I'm just trying to wrap my head around what you're telling me. Not only what but how."

lethallittlespiderx

"How isn't important. Marie has decided to find an elsewhere to be."

onlylivestwice

"Marie? How did you even find out about that." He turned himself, snatching the other robe, pulling it on and letting the towel fall away to the floor.

lethallittlespiderx

With a droll look in his direction she rolled her eyes. "I find out about a lot of stuff."

onlylivestwice

"Oh really? You just so happened to find out about that?"

lethallittlespiderx

"You want me to start naming names?"

onlylivestwice

He folded his arms, unamused. "Yes. As of a matter of fact, I do."

lethallittlespiderx

Here he was getting pissy about Barton of all people and now this? "Well, if you're that concerned about them, then perhaps you should reach out and reconnect. I'm sure Marie would be ecstatic to hear from you, hear you explain I was wrong." She wasn't about to admit his parade of women hadn't been nearly as discreet as he thought. Not when it still stung.

onlylivestwice

"Wrong about what"

lethallittlespiderx

"That her services were no longer needed." A blatant challenge.

onlylivestwice

"You spoke to her? Bloody hell, Natasha? That was my business and my right to tell her it was not happening any more." That was a lie. He'd ignore her until she got the hint. No questions asked and no awkward conversations either.

lethallittlespiderx

"After spending a weekend on the floor so I didn't have to smell her perfume all over everything, I beg to differ."

onlylivestwice

"That's not my fault."

lethallittlespiderx

Now it was her turn to tense. Mouth opened the snapped closed before the words to come out. Instead she turned on a heel and walked away. There was no way in hell she was going to justify herself to him when it came to that. Not a chance.

onlylivestwice

He should have probably gone after her. But he didn't chase women. It wasn't his style. Or so he told himself. Instead he allowed his shoulders to fall, just for a moment now she was gone from his presence and looked, staring into the mirror. Who knew what stared back half the time. Most of the time it wasn't human. His mind was going through the motions, logically trying to piece together how she found out. Had she been staking the flat out? She'd done it before. Maybe she saw her going in. Maybe she saw him leave one time and followed him. No, couldn't have, he kept an eye on that at all times. The former he knew about. Someone else wouldn't have spoken about it. Tanner knew he had a habit of filling his weekends with women, but never any intimate details. It was more guess work on everyone else's part at that point. Moneypenny and Q. knew even less... And Felix, he'd not seen him in the past 6 months. Missed him, if he was brutally honest to himself. Could do with sharing a bourbon with him next time he was around Langley and they crossed paths. Though America tended to bring more surveillance in his direction when they knew he was there. So much for a mutual understanding between two countries that had a well forged bond. There were other less savoury ways of finding out. Hacking. Simply going through his things. Either of those left a sour taste in his mouth though with their occupations he wasn't sure he could put it past her. He hated the idea of that but what could he do even if it did make him furious. Ten minutes passed of going through it when he appeared from the bathroom.

lethallittlespiderx

Well heaven forbid she rank higher than any other female. She hadn't expected him to follow, didn't give a damn if he did frankly, unless he really wanted a fight. As it was she expected him to be out the door in less time than it took him to come clear of the bathroom. Natasha knew full well what he was thinking. And if he didn't trust her any more than that, well, Marie was welcome to him then.  
Why was it perfectly good moments between them always ended with mistrust and bitterness? That was certainly an interesting question. Standing in the middle of the small kitchen, hands clenched at her sides, she tried to tell herself none of it mattered anyway. When that didn't help she muttered a curse. Hands shook ever so slightly when she filled the kettle with water for tea and in the back of her mind she contemplated which mug would do the most damage when she chucked it at him. She heard his steps coming and didn't turn around, keeping her back to him. Why he managed to tear her up every single time was yet another thing she didn't want to consider.

onlylivestwice

He saw the tension in her, the way she was handling herself and the way she was behaving and so he sighed heavily, standing in the middle of the flat and watched her. "You need to trust me, Natasha."

lethallittlespiderx

"I could say the same."

onlylivestwice

"The difference is, I'm not going through all your old lovers and approaching them."

lethallittlespiderx

"Well, my list is significantly smaller than yours and you're welcome to it if you'd like."

onlylivestwice

"It isn't my place to, just like it wasn't your place to talk to Marie."

lethallittlespiderx

At that she really considered winging a mug at him. "Oh do tell me Bond, what exactly is my _place_?"

onlylivestwice

"Not approaching all my old lovers and having conversations with them is a start. That's not your business and it's history at that, so yes, you should trust me."

lethallittlespiderx

"All? I don't have enough days in a year for all of them."

onlylivestwice

So that's how she wanted to play it? He didn't want to lower himself to be petty and childish but he couldn't help it. "Someone has to keep you busy and what better obsession than where my cock has been."

lethallittlespiderx

"Well I know where it's not going to be."

onlylivestwice

"Mhm." Didn't rise to it. Could have. Could have really hurt her. But instead he turned away and resisted, moving to the sitting room to sit down on one of the chairs, face like thunder.

lethallittlespiderx

If the mug had hot water in it, would it make her think twice about throwing it at his head? Hmm. "You can scowl at me all you want. I have spoken to Marie. That's it." Though his women were hardly a secret. Perhaps he should start giving them a false name. "You're not nearly as clever or as careful as you think." That was all she was giving him on the topic of how she might have come across it. "I don't even know which drawer your socks are in," she muttered under her breath. Turning to look at him, empty mug in hand, the hot water momentarily forgotten she asked, "Why is it any time we have a perfectly good moment you feel the need to tear it apart? If you think so little of me, why aren't you already gone?"

onlylivestwice

He drew his hand into a fist and pressed his forehead against it. Him? Tearing her apart? What about her actions? Didn't she see what was completely unacceptable about all this? And now he thought so little of her he should be gone? And while she was right, she had spoken to Marie, nothing could change it now, the fact she didn't realise why he felt it unnecsesary and like an invasion of his privacy was apparently a non-issue to her. Frustrating didn't even begin to describe it. "I can ask you the same. If you trust me so little, then why aren't you gone?" There was a pause. "Oh. Yes. We've been down that road once before."

lethallittlespiderx

At that she saw red then immediately shut down. Like a switch moved to the off position she showed no more emotion. She knew the only reason he got to her was because she cared. Knew full well she probably loved him. But she would be damned if she would allow him to circle back to that. She'd made her apologies and her decisions. If that wasn't good enough he could sure as hell go crawling back to the blonde bimbo who hadn't had an original thought in her head since she started bleaching that hair.

"Leave."

onlylivestwice

He sighed. Stood up in a fury and made his way back into the bedroom. Slamming the door behind him, he looked at the discarded clothes on the floor, a mix of his and her's. A reminder of everything they'd shared. And now this? Was she insane? In anger at that thought, of her unwilling to accept any responsibility at all and expecting him to shoulder absolutely everything, he threw the robe at the nearby chair and then took his merry time... Even though he knew he shouldn't. He knew he had to calm himself. Anger was so unbecoming of him, an emotion he so very rarely displayed with good reason. When the shirt was thrown over his head, he took a moment to sit at the dressing table. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm himself, tried not to think about the type of pain this was going to cause when everything calmed down. She'd left him messy last time and it was usually the other way around.

lethallittlespiderx

White hot fury that left her shaking. Tempted to tell him to move his ass, Natasha took a shuddering breath and tried counting to ten. She stopped at 6 knowing it wouldn't work. Yes, she had been reckless after she left. But she hadn't been spreading her legs for anything that came along. That he seemed to think it was acceptable, that she should think nothing of it, had her questioning their own time together. Making love? Ha. If polled she would probably find all of them got the same speech.  
Christ she was an idiot. Falling for the Bond charm when she damn well knew better. A quiet, bitter laugh. Oh he was good. No denying that. She poured hot water then eased her fingers around the mug, staring into it. After a while she realized her water was growing cold and he still hadn't gone through the door. If he thought she was going to beg him to stay he was about to have a very bad day. Dumping the water, she set the mug in the drying rack. Hands moved to the edge of the sink, gripping it until her knuckles turned white. Damn it all to hell.

onlylivestwice

More minutes passed until he finally found his feet. He'd found his calmness again, something he was glad of. She wanted him gone so that's what he would do. There was no point in arguing it with her. Getting to his feet, he realised that his legs felt heavy, he didn't want to go but knew he had no choice. A mission never set him on edge, so why this? When he made his way back into the main room, he saw her still standing in the kitchen though he tried not to pay too much attention to her. At the door he was quietly slipping on his coat, hoping he'd be able to make a silent enough exit.

lethallittlespiderx

She didn't utter a word when she walked by him, didn't even bother with a death stare though she considered it. He always went back to her leaving but she was beginning to think he was just sorry he hadn't done it first. He might have found his calm but she hadn't. She was still livid. In the bedroom she dropped the robe and grabbed a T shirt, jerking it roughly over her head before rummaging around for pants of some kind. She wouldn't allow him to chase her out of here, though she had the urge to go running, do something besides go clean the mess they'd left in the bathroom. On the plus side, it's not like she signed a lease, she could be gone again in the morning if she wanted. Why not? It's not like this was ever going to be home anyway. No where was. _Because you idiot, you thought maybe for once you would have a home._ She shoved the thought aside but it only made room for another one. _A home for the both of you_. A snarled obscenity to no one in particular, except maybe herself. Unlike him she didn't slam doors and when she stepped into the closet for a pair of pants she listened for just that.

onlylivestwice

He lingered longer at the door than he would admit to anyone. It hurt already but he knew if he backed down now then she'd never understand. Was a little trust too hard to give him? It was early days but he- The thought was broken, a pained sigh expelled from his lips in the privacy of her doorway. Still he found it hard to leave, but he had to. She'd asked him to. In the end he resorted to pulling a pen out of his coat pocket and writing a small note for her. It was difficult to know what to say without it sounding too patronising or cheesy. In the end, he settled for some simple words. _"If you ever need someone at all, then you know where I am. I really mean that, Natasha. J x."_ He put it out of place, something her keen eye for such things would pick up on. Oh, he knew how to make his presence known if he had to. Then without a word or a sound, he slipped out into the cold night and got into his car, sparking it into life.

lethallittlespiderx

Fuck this. Fuck him. And to hell with any whore he had to soothe his ego with. She had bared her soul to him more than once and she wouldn't do it again. Unable to stay here, surrounded by him, she grabbed the backpack that was always ready and headed for her bolt hole. A few days there to calm down and then she would leave. Might as well he assumed she was going to do it anyway. Why disappoint the man? Emotions rolled and she locked them down as best she could. New York. She knew how to get lost there just fine. And she didn't have to stay there long if she didn't want to. The rumor mill had given her warning and she ignored it. Which made it her own damn fault for getting burned.

onlylivestwice

Back at his own place he tossed the keys as usual. The damn place was just full of unwelcome reminders right now. He did the only thing he could think to do in times like this. Sit in the darkness and chug on his scotch. She'd done it again and he'd let her. His heart ached. But one after the other, he drank until he was numb, thoughts incoherent, till it was 4 in the morning or whatever time it was. Occasionally he checked his phone, more out of hope than anything else, but there was nothing. Maybe she didn't see the note. Maybe she didn't care. A foolhardy drunken lack of control was what had him pick up the phone, tapping out a message to her.

[Text - Natasha]: "Why can't you just trust me?"

lethallittlespiderx

Her phone beeped and she ignored it. At this time of night it wasn't good news one way or another. Instead she continued to beat on the torso bag she had set up. Until she couldn't swing her arms any more. Finally she picked it up and read the message. A million biting things ran through her mind, each reply uglier than the last.

[txt] I'm sorry, I believe the person you're looking for is Marie. Or Jennifer. Or Cathy. Or Melissa. Or whatever name of the week it is now.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: No. I'm looking for Natasha. That's all that matters.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] She's busy leaving. Just like you wanted.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: You're at the airport?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Where I am is no longer you're concern. You've made that abundantly clear

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Then why am I texting you?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] As usual I haven't the faintest idea. I assume there's some more insults you'd like to hurl in my direction.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Don't you think betraying my trust and invading my privacy was a little insulting too?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Once again you continue to make assumptions. I can't invade privacy that never was.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: But you can refrain from talking to her.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] I spoke to her once.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: One time too many!

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Not near as many times as you fucked her.

onlylivestwice

It stung. Shouldn't have done but it did. Possibly because he could hear the hurt in her own words. Or did he imagine it in his drunken state of mind? There was a long pause. He knew he had to be firm about it. She was never going to move forward otherwise.

[Text - Natasha]: So what? We were apart. You didn't own me then Natasha. I was a free man. I could do what I like. Why is that a problem? You have to let it go.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Fuck off.

[txt] I suppose they didn't care if you fucked them back to back, but that's what happens when you go for quantity over quality

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Listen. Stop. Why does it matter what I did and when? What about now? What about tonight?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Tonight? You mean the part where you got your panties in a twist about Barton then turned into a hypocrite because I dared speak to your precious Marie months ago?

[txt] That tonight? Or were you referring to the part where every time we have a happy moment you use it to see if i can bleed just a little more?

[txt] Or maybe it's the part where you treat me like one of your whores because heaven forbid you give a shit about any woman.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: No. And yes, I was jealous. I admit it. But I'm not contacting him about it either. I let it go. I trust you with that. I wasn't trying to do this, I wasn't trying to hurt you or upset you or tear you apart. I just don't need you to interfere with me that way. I am capable of sorting that out myself. I need you to trust me that you'll me do that. Finally, but most importantly, I don't think you're a whore and I do give a shit about you.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Let it go my ass. You were still pissed when you started arguing with me so don't give me that line of shit.

[txt] you haven't had TIME to contact him. You heard his damn name a few hours ago. And the thought he'd seen me naked nearly sent you into orbit.

[txt] You are a hypocrite. I spoke to her the same day I replaced the bed. You are free to speak to her when you choose but don't expect a quick answer from her.

[txt] Funny since you're so busy thinking the worst about me you can't pull your head out of your own ass.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: You've got to be kidding me here...

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] No, your head is firmly planted in your ass.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Listen to your damn self.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] I have to, you obviously aren't doing it.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Right. Are you still going to ignore that what you did was completely wrong? If you were listening, you'd know that I already admitted to some of what you accused me of. Yet here you are. Here you are.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Oh I'm sorry, was that admit throwing it back at me that I left, or telling me what a horrible person I am? I forget.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: When did I say you were a horrible person? When?!

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] When you assumed I invaded your privacy.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Hardly an assumption when you spoke with her and interfered.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Your ass is showing again Bond. I fear you may never recover your head.

[txt] Had you ASKED me what happened I might have told you. Instead you ASSUMED and you can live with that.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Just don't interfere with my life. I can handle it myself.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Certainly no longer a problem. I was leaving remember?

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: That was your choice.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] As you always remind me.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Today as well. No need to remind you.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Well grab some more scotch and celebrate. I'm not your problem any more.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: I have nothing to celebrate. And I was already doing as you're suggesting. If you want to leave then you want to leave. I can't stop you.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Of course not. Heaven forbid you put in an effort. You'd never cave to a woman in your life. Me. Marie. Any of them.

[txt] You run, you just don't go anywhere to do it.

[txt] Probably cheaper that way.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: What do you want me to say, hmm?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Not a god damn thing.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Really? Really?! Then you're welcome.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] I suggest you go back to the beginning of this conversation. I didn't text you. Didn't ask for shit. [txt] You've said enough. You've judged me enough. I don't need anything else.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: What you mean to say is you don't need me and you're saying goodbye.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] If that's what you wish to think I won't waste my time saying otherwise.

[txt] You're very good at assuming things

[txt] I don't want to interrupt your winning streak

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: What else do you want me to think? You don't want to talk. You insult me. You swear at me. You told me you didn't ask for shit from me. It doesn't exactly say the opposite.

[Text - Natasha]: But by all means. If the shoe fits go back to being the frigid bitch I spoke to a year ago. I won't INTERFERE.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] By all means go back to the cheap whore. i won't interfere

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Maybe I will. It won't make any difference to you if I do or don't.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] of course you will.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: And naturally, who is assuming the worst of someone now?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Why not? I might as well live up to your opinion of me

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Forget it.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] isn't that your job?

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Stay safe.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] you get no say in my well being any more bond. not a word.

[txt] you want me to be another one of your whores then why not? You said they all leave anyway/

[txt] You should have just fucked me and been done with it. Both of us would have been better off

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Are you done?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] what's the matter? Conversation not going how you want so you want it to stop?

[txt] Expect me to fall all over myself and beg your forgiveness?

[txt] Or are you just pissed I didn't run after you when you walked out the door?

[txt] You know what?

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: No. I just have more dignity and respect for myself than to put up with this shit about whore this and whore that. You know what you meant to me. About time you open your eyes and see it.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] it doesn't matter

[txt] dragging myself across two continents was a mistake.

[txt] Yes we know it's all about your dignity and respect.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Ah. The guilt trip. Which manipulation technique will be next? We've got a whole list of them to go through. It's 430am. I'm still wide awake. By all means, have the floor. Just don't expect me to listen. I told you what you meant to me. I TOLD YOU. And you continue to poke and poke and poke. And go on and on and on. And you're really starting to piss me off. AGAIN.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Funny, I assumed you were pissed when you started yelling about another woman.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Christ!

[Text - Natasha]: Go to sleep!

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] You don't get a say in my bed time.

[txt] You're the one who wouldn't let go of my conversation with her.

[txt] A conversation that happened months ago, not yesterday

[txt] a conversation had while her perfume was still all over your fucking bed James.

[txt] I'm not the one that started this conversation. YOU did.

onlylivestwice

Whatever. He'd already given up by the time his phone beeped one, prompting him to turn it upside down and refusing to rise to any of it. She was clearly just trying to get a rise out of him by now and he wasn't going to let it happen. Lifting the tumbler to his lips, he swallowed and sat back in the chair, sighing.

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Fuck off. Just fuck off. I'm tired of bleeding out for you. I'm tired of catching a shred of happiness only to have you tear it apart again.

[txt] You can throw stones but get bent out of shape when anyone throws back.

[txt] I won't be your emotional punching bag.

She flung the phone across the room. To hell with him. Tomorrow she could go pack her shit and get the hell out of this place. Thinking, hoping, anything would be different than last time had been a mistake.

onlylivestwice

The more he had to drink, the more he was annoyed with everything. The whole evening had been wonderful up until that point. Now it'd gone to shit again. Was he just going to let her slip through his fingers like that again? Could he chase? Would she want him to at this point? Flipping his phone over, he thought he had his answer. He knew very well she was hurt. But funnily enough, the way she felt was also the way he felt. The conversation had really hurt. Stung. And he'd tried to take it on the chin and felt like his attempts to explain were pushed aside. There was a feeling that she probably felt the same too. Who knew where she was now.

[Text - Natasha]: 7am. You're still on my mind. I know you're angry with me. I know I'm angry with you. But I just wanted to let you know that I still care.

lethallittlespiderx

She hadn't even bothered to lock the door when she left last night. It wasn't like there was much there to steal anyway. Oddly enough, she had more of her personal items at his place than hers but she would write them off as needed. This was why she didn't get attached to things. Her phone beeped and she ignored it, still pissed. While she might have forgiven almost everything from the previous night, him taking aim at her leaving from the resort was the thing that hurt more than anything else. If dragging herself more than half dead halfway across the world wasn't good enough then nothing she ever did would be. At that point it wasn't a game anyone could win. So why bother playing?  
Reluctantly she walked into the bathroom, eyeing the tub like it was rigged to explode. Water still stood in it, neither one having drained it the night before. Reaching in, she pulled the plug and tossed it aside. The floor had dried over night and towels lay on the floor where they'd been left when the argument started. She sighed, some of the fight seeped out of her, going down the drain with the water. What was it with them and water anyway? The beach, the shower, the tub... The indicator light was still flashing. If he wanted to yell at her some more he picked the wrong morning. No sleep combined with a temper that hadn't cooled much had left her more than a little cranky.

[txt] Yes, I am still angry. I'm not sure what else you want me to say.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: Are you still in London?

lethallittlespiderx

[txt] Yes.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: If this is going to work then we need to really talk about this because all of this can't keep happening.

[Text - Natasha]: There's a lot I want to tell you but doing it like this would be a coward's way out.

lethallittlespiderx

She stared at the screen a while. On this he was right as much as she'd rather not admit it.

[txt] Fine. I am at my place.

onlylivestwice

[Text - Natasha]: OK. Give me a while. I need to take a shower and I'll have to get the tube. Yes, the tube. I know. I know.

lethallittlespiderx

Somehow she suspected she didn't want to know. Besides, maybe a shower would wake her up. Before he got there so there was no confusion. Or temptation.

[txt] Fine. You know where it is.

onlylivestwice

Bond hopped into the shower, blasting cold water over him, trying to get rid of the remnants of the alcohol. Throwing on a new shirt and some pants he was ready to go to her place again. Hopping on the tube, he made his way through three changes, endless mind the gap announcements and the bustling throng of people even on a Sunday. When he arrived it was over ninety minutes later. Exhausted, still smelling of alcohol, he knocked on her door and waited.

lethallittlespiderx

The top floor had been her choice mostly because it was quieter. But sometimes she appreciated the sounds of life, so the small balcony doors were open, letting in the cold air and the sound. At his knock her hands tightened around the mug of tea she held. Choosing to stay in the chair she occupied she called "It's open" and brought the mug up. Almond and vanilla. Usually soothing. Today not so much. Now she felt... numb. Past battered and bruised. Emotionally drained. But he had that effect on her with his need to push her buttons, push her to the very edge.

onlylivestwice

He allowed himself in, just as she indicated. Stepping inside, he offered a small, tentative smile. They both looked worn out and tired. Him with more stubble than usual. Red eyes. Smell of alcohol still strong on him. Now that he saw her again, he knew what he'd been throwing away. "Natasha. I'm sorry." Yes. He came all this way to tell her that to her face. There were other things to be said, but he wanted to get it out of the way. Who was right or wrong was of little circumstance now. It was time to chuck pride and for once his ego out of the equation. He wanted her. All of her. And she had to know that by now.

lethallittlespiderx

Taking him in a moment. If he'd slept it hadn't been much. He certainly hadn't slept off all the alcohol he'd consumed. Must have been fun for his fellow riders on the tube. Head tilted and after a hesitation she nodded. "All right." Right now she wasn't sure exactly what he was sorry for. A lot of things had been said on both sides. How they managed to cut each other so badly each time she didn't know. But she hated it. Part of her wanted to question his sobriety. Ask if he was going to feel the same once he sobered up. Truthfully she'd never seen him drunk. Drinking, yes. Actually drunk? No. Never. "You might as well sit down before you fall over." Another sip of tea. Hot against the cold air. "You obviously have something to say, so go ahead."

onlylivestwice

"I'm fine." He'd done this far too many times that it was almost, quite sadly, second nature. But not wanting to cause more ructions he did as she asked, sitting down on the couch where he'd buried his head against his fist the night before. "You're close to me. I can see that. I can hear it too. Does my reputation bother you that much?"

lethallittlespiderx

"It has nothing to do with reputation. But fact is fact. And if it didn't bother me would you be sitting here?"

She sighed. "Yes. Knowing you had a parade of women after I left bothers me. I can smell them in your bed. There's no way to ignore the fact they were there." Aside from the fact the offending bed was removed. "What do you want me to say?"

onlylivestwice

"Nothing." There was a long sigh and he scratched at the nape of his neck. "Natasha. I didn't think I'd ever see you again. Yes, I had sex. But I wasn't intending to betray you or to leave you feeling like this now. They're all in the past. Every single one of them." Barring maybe one but that was a story that could wait. Had to wait, really. "Yes, I really enjoy sex. Yes, there's been others. But... Natasha. You have to live in the now and see where I am. I'm clearly with you. Clearly. That's where I want to be. And I really wish you wouldn't hold it against me. I know what you think I am. But I'm telling you that what you think I am and what you've heard I am isn't what you're seeing when we're alone. I'm not going to call you a whore. I'm not going to treat you like a whore and I'm most certainly not going to have an affair or a woman on the side. I just want you to see yourself for what you are. You are important to me. You do mean a lot to me. I'm not just saying that. I don't just say things for the sake of it. You're not a mission in that respect so I have nothing to gain by lying, especially if it was just sex. Especially since I could have any woman I want and you know I could. So if that's the case, why do I go through all of this madness, hmm? Have you ever thought it's because of you? Because you are worth it and you are important?" He urged her then. "Look at me, Natasha. Damn me all you want but you need to let go of this. Let go of my past. The past for both of us is not going to be a pretty place. Learning about it? Fine. But we can't butt heads over who or what we've done in the past."

lethallittlespiderx

"If you're so busy living in the now why am I getting yelled at for a conversation that happened a few days after I showed here? If you're living in the now why the hell do you reach for the fact I left every time things get sticky?" Jaw tightened and her knuckles were white around the mug. Perhaps mentioning having any woman he wanted had been a poor decision.

She looked at him, a sad smile on her face. "If I'm so important why do you tear down any happy moment we have?" She had tried to understand it, but she couldn't. Every time they got close, every time it was more than just sex... every time she could believe they would make it work this happened. Oh no, not this exact same argument, but something similar. Eyes went to her tea. "The second time I was at your place." She would ignore the first for now. "She knocked on the door." Natasha had barely stepped inside as a matter of fact. "I'm not sure if she thought you were home and ignoring her or what. But she was very adamant you let her in." A a matter of fact Natasha had been surprised the neighbors hadn't called the police with all the ruckus. "I'll give her credit. She's creative. Very detailed in her descriptions of what she wanted from you and to do to you." She took a drink, thinking it over. "Eventually when you didn't answer she left." Now she looked at him again. "I know who she is because _she_ told me. And I could smell her perfume through the door." So, needless to say when she smelled it in the bed there was no doubt who it belonged to. "I left as soon as I knew she was clear of the building." And hadn't returned for a long while after that. Having verification of what he'd been doing hadn't been what she had been there for. But it did remove her desire to apologize to him.

onlylivestwice

There was a very long, uncomfortable pause before he spoke again. "Alright. I understand. But there's no need to preface it with an admonishment. I understand. I hurt you. I'm sorry. I understand we fought. I'm trying to put it right. I'm trying to tell you what you mean to me. I know you're angry, but please, if it's not too much to ask, can you cut me some slack?"

lethallittlespiderx

God she was tired. Just so damn tired. "You preface everything you say to me James. You were right earlier. We can't keep doing this. Can't keep tearing each other down. Neither one of us will survive it." Shivering now, the cold inside of her matching the cold coming thru the door. "I know you care about me." This was true. It might have taken her a little while to see it past her anger, but she knew it was true. "But you keep asking me for things you don't seem to want to do yourself. And that's not fair."

onlylivestwice

"Then tell me. It's important. What am I doing wrong and how I can put it right for you?"

lethallittlespiderx

"You don't want me to bring up the past yet you can do it without hesitation. You don't want to think about other men in my life, but you don't seem to understand why it would bother me when it comes to other women. You can't have it both ways."

onlylivestwice

He shook his head. "I was jealous over.. Barton, was it? Yes. But as soon as you told me, hand on heart, I let it go."

lethallittlespiderx

"And until you threw a fit over a conversation that was months old, I had let Marie go." And the others.

onlylivestwice

"I didn't like the idea that you didn't trust me. That you didn't think I was capable of handling that and moving on."

lethallittlespiderx

"And yet it didn't happen like you assumed, did it?"

onlylivestwice

"No. No, it didn't."

lethallittlespiderx

"So, if I was unfair to you and didn't think you were capable of handling it, how were you fair to me?"

onlylivestwice

"I wasn't."

lethallittlespiderx

That was something at least. "If I have to let go of your past, then why don't you have to let go of mine?"

onlylivestwice

"In what respect? Barton?"

lethallittlespiderx

"That I left. That I chose to run, from both of us. Every time we get close you think I'm going to bolt again. And yet, stupidly, here I am. No matter how many times I say it, the whole thing still seems to seep in." More tea. It was warm and she needed that. "And if that's the case you don't trust me. You haven't believed anything I've said to you. That I found you when I thought I was dying means nothing. You know how many safe houses I have between here and Thailand? More than a dozen. And yet I'm in London."

onlylivestwice

He had abandonment issues. It was noted very prominently on his file. It was the reason he stopped getting close to anyone. If there was nothing to get close to there was nothing to abandon. Then Vesper happened and it stripped him bare until there was nothing left but a raging shell of a man, hellbent on making the world burn. And so he did. And he discovered it left him hollow. That in turn left numbness. Sleeping with women here and there with no care for anything. The sex was just fine. A release of what... Stress? Just a consolation that somehow he was still alive? Who really knew. There'd been relationships in between. Nothing notable. All had ended with them growing bored, leaving and, or, cheating on him. All were handled with a cigarette and a shrug of his shoulders when he was told, as if he almost expected it. Then came the itsy bitsy spider. He was caught in her web. Thrown off guard. Made to reopen a part of him he'd sealed off and furthermore, he'd given whatever he had left. So he knew honesty had to be given. It was then that he realised he'd been staring at a spot on the floor constantly while his mind wandered, reliving the events, the loss of his parents, the assault as a pre-teen, the suicide and betrayal of Vesper. Blofeld's revenge, murder of his guardian, the ruining of his life and those he loved and cared for. Trusting women was beyond difficult, they all fucked him over. Usually they were easy to ignore, but Natasha opened him up wide and his innards poured out for everyone to see. He hated that. "I'm sorry. It isn't easy."

lethallittlespiderx

Oh they could compare scars. None of hers were pretty either. Hell, until him she'd been convinced she would never feel anything again. None of her relationships had gone or ended well. She had never been enough for any of them. One reason or another, she was always lacking in some way. Still, she had made a decision when she came here. One that she hadn't been fully aware of maybe when it started, but once she got here it was something she knew. And she had committed to it, to him. And still... "No, it isn't. For either of us. A relationship takes two people James. Without them it doesn't work."

onlylivestwice

That brought a smirk to his lips. "You sound like an expert."

lethallittlespiderx

A shrug of her shoulder. "It's not complicated."

onlylivestwice

"I know that. I've been there," he finally answered.

lethallittlespiderx

"I don't know who she is. In the end it doesn't matter. But I'm not her. I'll own my mistakes. But I won't take responsibility for anyone else's." She rose from the chair to put her empty cup in the sink. "Go sleep it off. You can move the suitcase off the bed."

onlylivestwice

But how did she know. His file? Maybe. He didn't question it. Most of it would come out in its own time. When he was ready. But one thing did escape him. Defiant as he'd been the day it all came to fruition. A lie he'd always told himself. "She doesn't matter." He started, walking towards the bedroom. "She's dead."

lethallittlespiderx

 _If she didn't would we even be here?_ "But I'm not," she answered quietly after he left the room.  
It wouldn't take him long to fall asleep most likely. Giving it a while she laid down on the couch, dragging a blanket over her. Would they always be haunted? Maybe. Seemed that way. Finally she let it go and tried to grab a few hours sleep.

onlylivestwice

Stripping out of his clothes he climbed under the covers. Sleep took him quickly in his drunken state. The only thing that was missing was her in his arms.

lethallittlespiderx

Maybe she was still too upset. Maybe she hadn't pushed herself to the point of exhaustion. Or maybe she had just gotten used to falling asleep with him. Either way, sleep wasn't as easy for her and when it came it was restless and light. Nothing like what she needed. Doors were still open and the cold air had taken over the room. She didn't feel it really. Oh it was there in the back of her mind maybe, but her dreams were filled with angry words and loud sounds that made her senses go into overdrive. At one point she considered just getting up but she was still groggy from the half sleep she'd pulled herself out of. Instead she let go of it again, choosing the restlessness over full awake.

onlylivestwice

Sleep wasn't all that pleasant. After maybe an hour or so, he woke up and noted that the other side of her bed was cold. Put simply, there was no _her_. He'd already decided he didn't like it at all. The cold usually suited him, but he enjoyed the warmth and the way she melted the ice away. Rising from the bed, he pulled on his underwear and padded his way sleepily back out to the front room where she was lying down, covered in a blanket. There was a frown on his face. If he'd known that's how she felt about it then he'd have taken the couch. His feet brought him to the foot of the couch and her. She wasn't asleep, he could tell. She didn't seem peaceful enough to be. Lifting the blanket, he crawled underneath, a tight squeeze, his arms around her bringing her close to him again. His nose was buried in strands of her hair, scent of basic shampoo along with the scent of the breeze from outside. London didn't exactly smell like a glade but she smelt like home to him. "I'm glad I did this." _Reached out. Texted you. Tried to make amends._ "I didn't want to lose you. Not this time." _And for once my ego didn't get in the way._ Fingers worked their way around the errant strands, tucking them behind her ear, noting what she told him a long time ago. Her hair was darker now in this weather and she was as much fiery as she was warm to him. "I'd have taken the next flight to New York if you'd gone home." He really would have. It was a Sunday. He'd have spent the day talking to her, trying to put it right, and flown home on the overnight to go back to work if he had to. She'd found a place in his life. She was important. And by now he was absolutely certain he was in love with her. It'd happened so fast, especially by his standards but he couldn't deny how she made him want to fight for them.

lethallittlespiderx

Footsteps sounded against the wood floor, marking his passage from the bedroom. Natasha didn't know what he thought was going to happen. If she was going to climb in bed with him and forget everything that happened. It wasn't that easy even if sometimes she wished it were. When he lifted the blanket she tensed but said nothing. When he pulled her close it didn't change in spite of the fact she always felt right there. He had cut her deeply this time. Maybe worse than at any other point before. With an eerie precision born from knowing her entirely too well. His words hit her, stinging. Pretty words to try to soothe everything over? She didn't know. It was true she knew he cared about her. But it didn't give him the right to cut her down as he had. And maybe that's all he knew how to do. Disappointing yes. Though she understood it, the idea hurt. Hair still faintly damp from her shower before his arrival she felt strands slide through his fingers when he tucked them behind and ear. Oh but she wanted to forgive him. Truly she did. That didn't mean she could trust him though. Not like she had before their argument. "You chose another woman over me," she said finally. Quietly.

onlylivestwice

"Natasha?" He looked down at her. "No." How did he even go about explaining this? It was frustrating because he didn't give a damn about Marie or what she was doing or who. All that mattered was the woman in his arms right now. "I made a mistake. I thought you were getting involved in my life and that you didn't trust me to handle anyone who might try and interfere with us. I would never choose her over you, why would I be here? I was only defending myself, or I thought I was, and I royally cocked it up." There he admitted it, or so he thought, loud and clear. "You're an incredible woman. You're beautiful. Intelligent. Funny. You understand me." His fingers drew circles over the back of her neck. "Just trust me. Please. And please don't doubt yourself. You've gotten closer to me than I ever thought anyone would since-" A pause. Finding the right words. "-A very long time. I'm yours and I wouldn't contemplate running half way around the world for a few hours just for you if that wasn't true."

lethallittlespiderx

 _Good luck getting her to speak to you again_ was the smug thought that went unvoiced. Yes, it was petty. But she was feeling more than a little petty right now. "Yes, you did." Credit where credit was due though, he had admitted it. Which was more than she thought possible. His finger on the back of her neck would have made her shiver before but she locked it down, pushing away the feeling. It wasn't that easy dammit. She wouldn't just fall into his arms again and say all was forgiven.  
"Go to sleep. You're still drunk."

onlylivestwice

"Drunk because I'm being talkative about it?" The fingers on her neck stilled. He could feel the coldness radiating from her just as much as the warmth usually would.

lethallittlespiderx

"Drunk because there's probably an empty bottle at your place right now." That was how one usually ended up drunk. It was possible he would bail as soon as he realized it wasn't going to just go away. Hell, at least a small part of her expected it. Recovering something like this didn't happen overnight with a few words. No, it was work and dedication. And yes, she would have to give a little as well. Eventually.

"You hurt me."

onlylivestwice

"There is." He was honest about that at least. That was why he texted in anger in the morning. Should have had better control, usually did and could wallow in his own self pity for a while. The hands that were by her neck went to her shoulders, resting there. "I know. I'm sorry." It was uncomfortable then. Maybe it was the drink. He wanted to tell her he loved her. Didn't want to run any longer. "I've been a fool." They were the only words that he could find at that moment.

lethallittlespiderx

It hadn't even been the expensive stuff judging by the smell. Her head and her heart were both screaming at her, pulling her in two very different directions. Though they both shared the same warnings. "I'm sure it's not the first time. We'll talk about it when you're sober." There could be no mistakes then. No excuses. And maybe he wouldn't try. She wasn't sure. Either way though, certain things needed to become very clear between them. And while she didn't melt into him the way she might have before she didn't leave either. He was here and that counted for something even if she was still sorting out what. There was no doubt she wanted to hide, withdraw, lick her wounds and give them time to heal. That path would be disastrous and she knew it. He'd forgiven her for leaving once. He wouldn't do it again. And she couldn't blame him. Swallowing hard, trying to get the words past the lump in her throat, she finally managed, "Go to sleep."

onlylivestwice

He was stubborn and she knew that, didn't easily bow to a command or demand. But at her suggestion his hands did relax, falling limp on the small of her back. There was less warmth between them but the drink had him drifting away into sleep again, try as he might to fight it. Soon he was out and in the dark abyss of thoughtless sleep where time stopped and nothing mattered.

lethallittlespiderx

Natasha felt him slip away, arms growing heavy across her. "What am I going to do with you?" she asked softly. As always she wanted to touch him. It was possible nothing would ever change that. Just as she knew no matter how badly he hurt her, she was still his. Short of death nothing would change that. And unlike him she wouldn't try to lose herself in someone else because it would just leave her cold. And now cold wasn't enough. She wanted to laugh. She accused him of breaking her at the resort. And he had. Broke her so that she would never love anyone else. "Damn you." His breathing deep, slow and steady. It alone lulled her into sleep as well and she felt herself slip away, body sinking into his when she couldn't fight it any more.

onlylivestwice

When he finally woke up again, he looked at his watch and realised it was 3pm. Damn. On top of him she was sleeping soundly, or least appeared to be, but he knew that would change the minute he got up. He'd been a fool, so how did he put it right? It would require more than just words and gestures, but those were also a way of saying he cared. Very gently, he shifted, shushing her as she stirred, kissing her forehead as he slipped from underneath her. Thoughts of love were just as prominent now as they were before sleep claimed him. It appeared they just weren't going away. "I won't be long," he murmured. "Fifteen minutes, twenty at most." Had to be if he was going to do what he wanted before everywhere shut for the rest of the Sunday. Making his way back into her bedroom, he noted his splitting headache, a hangover, one he thought he was immune to most the time. Pulling on his clothes, he finally made his way outside. Bournville. Bloody Bournville. Along with a selection of some other brands, some more expensive than others. Oh, and painkillers, needed for his hangover now. Which had now led him to the checkout at Tesco, unfortunately not a Waitrose. Also with some roses in hand again, prompting stares from other people and some remarks about 'how he'd done something wrong.' She wasn't a flowers girl and he hated them, but having heard her express how no one got her flowers. It got him to thinking he wouldn't mind gifting them again. When he arrived back, he immediately started with an apology. "Well, it isn't Godiva or Lindt or any of those." Had no idea which she preferred if he was honest. "But I bought you these."

lethallittlespiderx

Sleepy grumbles when he moved. She wouldn't appreciate sleeping the day away really but reality intruded far too often. She felt him slip out from under her and let out a sleepy sigh. His words filtering in somewhere. That she hadn't come instantly awake said a lot, testified to how close they had become in such a short amount of time. Testified that even in sleep she knew him, trusted him, and didn't feel the need to fight. When the door clicked closed she groaned, shivering in the cold without his heat. Willing herself awake, or at least trying to. Eventually the need to pee won over everything and she rose to take care of business stopping just long enough to close the doors. The afternoon had warmed the day some, but not enough. A brush through her hair before she pulled it back and jeans and a loose sweater. Clothing as armor of a sort to be sure. She was still fuzzy headed but wasn't sure how to clear it. No matter, she would wake up fully eventually. His apology, happening almost before he'd even cleared the door brought her head up from the kitchen. The new coffee maker hadn't even been taken out of the box until now since she would never use it. But she had washed it, set it up and dropped a bag of his usual coffee beans on the counter next to it. Lips twitched, a near smile. Had he ever scrambled this hard for anyone else? That turned up her mouth and she put her back to him to hide it. "As long as it's dark it'll do." She couldn't abide milk chocolate. Too sweet. "You've been busy."

onlylivestwice

"Hmm. A little." Hadn't really. But it wasn't wise to come up with that answer right now. Placing the bag on the counter, he pulled out a few brands of dark chocolate for her. "Like you said." The flowers he left in front of her on the counter so she could do what he wanted. Wasn't even sure if this place had a vase. Anyway, he didn't care for them much. Christ knows if she did. But at least she knew what was going through his mind. The coffee beans were noticed and he smiled broadly. "How did you-" Of course she knew. She'd been taking in everything. She was a spy just like him. "-Ridiculous question. Thank you." That smile persisted as he filled the machine with the beans and placed a cup underneath. He broke open the blister pack containing tablets which had codeine and paracetamol, throwing two back and swallowing. It was the best he was going to get over the counter and completely overboard for a hangover but as far as painkillers went he never did anything by halves. "You were sleeping fairly heavily when I left. Did you get a good rest?"

lethallittlespiderx

No vase, but a large and heavy enough glass to hold them. They were picked up without comment, trimmed as needed and placed in water. "Mmmm," a noncommittal sound if there ever was one. She'd known his preference since before the resort actually. If she was going to spend time as his wife she would know these things so she had spent a few days studying him. Learning the things she would know for a convincing cover. "Next time stop at half a bottle," she suggested. Not that it would probably help. She never took painkillers and thus never kept any around. She didn't like risking that they muddle her head. Working on her own tea she took a moment to decide which one. Chai. A proper chai.  
"I slept all right." This was hard. Her head was spinning, words tumbling over themselves like a waterfall in her mind. "I assume you did as well."

onlylivestwice

It was as if they were ignoring the elephant in the room. She was a little bit cold to him, distant, or appeared to be anyway. Why he longed to be close again he had no idea. It only seemed to bring them pain. The coffee was brewed, finished and lifted up to his lips. Her advice was likely to be ignored. He was his own man that way. Stubborn. Difficult. Hard to be with and around. Moods changeable. Depression likely at times. "Still angry?" He knew that the gifts wouldn't change it but he'd hoped it would at least soften the hardness she built around her like a cocoon. "If you still want to talk, I'm fine with that."

lethallittlespiderx

If they ignored it, it still wouldn't go away and she knew it. But by ignoring it, she could also ignore her feelings. Could also ignore how deeply she had been cut. Could ignore that he effected her so much. A scoop of loose tea into the strainer, then into a mug of hot water. She didn't look at him still. He could read her face all too well. Knew every micro expression no matter how she might try to hide them. "I'm not angry. I'm hurt" Which was worse and they both knew it. Anger fades, dissipated into nothingness after a while. Hurt... well sometimes that never faded. "I'm not sure what else there is so say. Seems it was covered last night." Maybe there was simply too much to say. Maybe it seemed so much more harsh because just a handful of moments before that there had been a span of perfection between them. Moments where she had thought... well that didn't matter now did it? "It's done. It can't be undone." Though if given the chance to roll back the clock a few hours, back to the bathtub, she would. Gladly. Ignorance was bliss, right?

onlylivestwice

It hadn't been what he was hoping for. He remembered her words before he fell asleep, that they'd talk about it when he was sober. Well, now he was, and the reality appeared to be that she didn't want to talk about it at all. There was no real point in arguing it what she said then, against now. There was only a way to push forward. "Then how do I fix this, Natasha? What do you need from me?"

lethallittlespiderx

Shoulders slumped and she wished she had answers. "I don't know." It was an honest answer. "Why can't we ever just be happy a moment without you tearing it apart?" Her tone was sad maybe even a little desperate. He had done it at the resort as well. Waited until her walls had cracked then told her exactly why she was lacking in his eyes. "I don't understand."

"Do you not want to be happy? With me?"

onlylivestwice

He sighed, almost painfully and hopped to sit on top of the counter, sensing they may be standing here a while. "Last night wasn't me trying to tear you apart. I'm sorry that it happened that way. I know at the resort I did something I shouldn't have, and that was reach in and talk about what I saw in you. But I didn't mean to upset you then either." She was sensitive, very sensitive to him. He didn't mind it but he was understanding now just how he had to handle situations with her. It was like everything was new to her. "Of course I do. I want to be with you and you make me happy. The happiest I've been in nearly ten years." There was a long pause, his heart pounding, fear of what he was about to say and what it meant. It shouldn't have happened this fast. But it had. Go slow she said. But it didn't seem to be in either of their vocabularies. He wondered if she'd run. No. Couldn't go down that road. He had to be honest. "Actually... I love you." His voice was quiet, yet confident though his mouth was now extremely dry and his throat tight. He knew very well what he felt. "And I heard what you said. Go slow. And we can take it slow. But I can't change what's inside either... And how you've broken me down until I can only give you what tiny bits of me that are left. None of them are pretty. But I've done it anyway. I wouldn't have done any of this if I didn't feel... something."

"If I didn't love you then it wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't sting when you bring up my past or my reputation because I know you're hurt. And the last thing I can do right now is bear to see it in you! I don't do all this" He gestured to the flowers and the chocolate. "-and yet I have... For you. For a reason that isn't at all logical because I've always been of the attitude there's always others if one person leaves, there's always someone else... Just as you have thought of me in the past. But others aren't you and I can't bear to think of being without you. _It's crazy, Natasha. I don't do crazy._ But I would be damned before I let you slip through my fingers again. All I want to do is make sure you're happy, no matter what that means and no matter how I achieve it. Believe me when I say I thought you would be the last person I would fall in love with but it happened. I thought it was going to be 'just sex'. The type of fling that nearly always happens on those types of missions. I mean no offence by any of this, of course, I'm happy it happened. There's just something about you and how we are when things are good. It's unlike... anything I've ever experienced before in my life."

"One day I just hope you wake up and it hits you in the face. In the nicest way possible, naturally. Just what I'm saying to you every single day because I think you're half caught wondering if every word I say is a lie or doubting my intentions. I don't like that because I'm doing my best to be honest to you. We've been over this before. But just so I'm clear. You're not a fling. You're most definitely not a whore and I'm most certainly not lying to you."

lethallittlespiderx

She was so torn. Was she even built for this? Maybe she had been right at the resort. Her notion that she was incapable... He made his place on the counter and she glanced over at him before going back to her tea. Prepping it with a bit of sugar, then pulling the half and half from the fridge to mix it. It wasn't proper British style, but close enough. His profession of happiness made her squirm. Sometimes she believed he was and others... others made her wonder why he refused to quite give in. With as much as he'd told her to let go, he seemed to still hold a part of himself separate from her. Just another double standard. Yes, she had wanted to go slow. Wanted time to adjust to everything because it was so far out of line from what she was used to, what she believed, that she didn't think she could be rushed into it. It had come easier than she ever imagined with him. She had fit with him in a way she hadn't fit with anyone before. But was it enough?

His words of love snapped her head up and she nearly dropped her tea. No, she wasn't open mouthed gaping at him, but she might as well be, caught so off guard she didn't even try to hide her surprise. Mouth opened to speak then snapped shut clearly not able to get the words out. Blinking, she wobbled her tea again, hissing softly as some of it spilled onto her hand. Quickly she set it down, wiping her hand off with a towel. Perhaps she had been going on the wrong missions because she has certainly never had a fling before on one with a man she barely knew. "You do crazy," she answered finally, shakily. "It just usually involves explosives." Fingers went back to the safety of the mug. Without it she would touch him as she always wanted to do when he was within a hundred mile radius of her. "I don't remember ever feeling this way about someone in my life." No, even her manipulated emotions for Alexei hadn't been like this. "You found pieces I thought were lost forever." Found them and started putting them back together somehow. Putting them back together and making them stick. "I can't walk around wondering where the next knife is coming from. It hurts too much when it hits home."

onlylivestwice

He drew a breath in and winced. "You should put that in some cold water." She knew it already. Had to have done. But clearly he'd thrown her off guard and off balance, even quite literally. He slipped from the counter and stood next to her. It'd all been quite shocking but really was it that unexpected? "Explosives are a lot easier than this."

"Here, let me help you." He was urging her to give him the mug. Normally he wouldn't have interfered. He'd let her get on with it just fine while keeping close watch on her while she was injured but given he knew he was partially to blame for it, he felt compelled. "I don't mean to stick knives in you, Natasha, if that's what you mean. I can let you go, if you'll be happier without all of this." He could too. He could take the hit and the blame all along with it if he had to. Get back to what he did best. Being the tough, silhouetted man of the world. He switched the tap on. "But it's up to you. I'm well aware I'm difficult. I've been told I'm impossible before today. I told you. I've seen it all as well. I can't give you a guarantee that it won't end badly but conversely I can't tell you that we won't be the two happiest people alive until one of us dies." There was a reason he ended up cheated on quite frequently. God knows what he would do if it happened while he felt like this for someone. Rage. He supposed. Just like before. "I'm not easy to be with."

lethallittlespiderx

Surrendering the mug she waited until the water was on before sticking her hand under it. It wasn't bad, probably caught her more by surprise than anything else. Still, it gave her something to focus on. "Yes, they are." She'd take a few tons of explosives any day even if it meant another building collapse. "It's fine," she murmured. He was close now and as always he filled her senses. "Gone by tomorrow." It was true . "Difficult." There was definitely amusement in the word. "Mm, impossible." She wasn't going to argue about either point right now. A hesitation before she finally looked up at him. "I told you I wasn't going anywhere last night." And she had meant it. Had she ever wanted to build something with someone like this? At one point she thought she had with Murdock. But as time wore on she realized she loved the idea more than the man. "I'd prefer it if you don't die any time soon."

onlylivestwice

"I wouldn't dream of it," he replied, smiling. At least things were easier now, and if he was falling back into banter then at least most of the awkwardness was over with. At least she hadn't run at the first sign of any feeling. Bizarre, really. Usually it was the other way around! Just another one of those reasons it felt right. Placing her finger under the cold water, he held it there. There was a tut and a roll of his eyes. "Of course it will be. But in the meantime, it makes no sense to suffer."

lethallittlespiderx

The knot in her chest eased some but she would admit she was still skittish. As he had said before all they could do was try. And that meant both of them had to try. "Just a minor inconvenience. Not as bad as having a building fall on you." Banter was easier. It meant you could ignore the other things rolling around in your head. Pulling it from the water she showed him. "Stings but it's fine. See."

onlylivestwice

"I should have paid more attention to the reports I was given about you." It'd been too painful so he ignored each one. "This one never made it to my desk. I'd have gone to Phuket and not stopped until I found you. My eyes work perfectly fine. Though you have to admit I had a point."

lethallittlespiderx

At that she frowned. "You weren't supposed to be getting them at all." Indeed she had asked certain people to refrain from letting them pass across his desk. As a professional courtesy. That they had made it anyway could mean a lot of things. "You weren't supposed to find me. That was the point." A piece of hair tucked behind an ear. "I thought it would be easier that way for you."

onlylivestwice

"I passed them to an operative," he sighed guiltily. "Given what's happening now. I can't help but feel it was poor judgment." And she could have died. Especially on that last one. "No. It wouldn't have been easy. I didn't forget you." If anything it'd only gotten worse.

lethallittlespiderx

"You shouldn't have seen them to begin with. I had a job to do." Killing Kerr as she had meant she had to work harder finding the connections. Which has suited her fine. Natasha would have a chat with the person in question later. "The explosives blew too soon. You had no hand in that." No that was all on her. The last made her smile. "I see that."

onlylivestwice

"You have a tendency to turn up in our intelligence reports. I wouldn't worry about it." He was one of the most senior. Of course it went by his desk whether she organised it or not. "But Phuket was hidden from me and that wasn't concern... And, ah, no. Only incompetance can really be blamed for that." Turning, he smiled into a kiss with her before she could suitably retort.

lethallittlespiderx

Then she really was getting sloppy. Good to know. "I'll have to rectify that then." Truth was she still didn't know what had happened. There were a few explanations. None that made her happy. His mouth was there before she could reply catching her by surprise yet again. There was a subtle stiffness to her that he felt. She knew he would. But she truly didn't know how to get rid of it. Softly she told him, "I just need a little bit of armor right now. You've already shattered it... it's not very strong. I just... let me have it for now. All right?"

onlylivestwice

He could feel the stiffness in her response to his kiss and touch, oddly when she explained he knew what it was like. He'd been there before... Retreated into what ever hole he could. The smile he wore was forced, yet oddly genuine. "I understand. I'll give you your space." Taking the mug of coffee from the counter, he made his way over to the couch where they'd slept before and lay down on it. Reaching out, he picked up a book. Who knew if it was one of Stark's generic ones or one of her own. It was reasonably well read. He kind of liked that. Lying there, still, he opened it up and began to read in content silence, despite everything that happened.

LATER, the same night

onlylivestwice

He considered it for a moment., sitting back in the chair and eyeing her across the table. "What makes you think I'll leave if you were to get old or grey or fat? Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question the other way around? I'm only going to get older, Natasha. And I'm middle aged as it is."

lethallittlespiderx

"No one lives forever," she answered after a beat. Moving the short distance to stand next to him she ran fingers through his hair. "I worry more about you dying in the line of duty."

onlylivestwice

His fork was resting against the bowl and once she walked over, he looked up at her. Hands were otherwise occupied now, having slipped around her waist. "Don't worry about that," he whispered, smiling up at her. "I'm not easy to kill and I have no intention of dying any time soon." With a tiny tug, she was sitting in his lap. One hand wrapped around her waist, the other back on the fork, lifting it to her lips. The warmth and weight of her body in his lap was welcome. "I'm difficult. _Impossible_. Remember?"

lethallittlespiderx

A soft _oof_ as she dropped into his lap. Hand moved from his hair to his face. So familiar to her now and the thought she might never see it again... it chilled her. More than she imagined. More than was wise. If anyone ever wanted to exploit her weakness, here it was, sitting in front of her. "You do have that going for you," she answered finally before letting him feed her.

onlylivestwice

He placed the fork against the side of the bowl again, this time just more than content to be in her presence. Looping both arms around her, he smiled up at her, meeting her lips again before he found his words. "As I'm sure you know you don't get to my age in this position without being extremely skilled." _And sometimes stupidly lucky. Though Felix got him out of more than a few tight spots in the past._ He took risks though. A lot of them. All of them foolhardy and the type where one foot wrong would mean certain death for him. She didn't need to know that, but he was certain she also knew that. Had probably heard more than her fair share of stories of some of the death defying actions he'd committed to in the line of duty. They were all reckless. Stupid. It was the other part of his _reputation_ that would follow him everywhere. This one a little more... secret but not to those who were in the real inner circle. They knew exactly what he was capable of. "I'll make sure I come back in working order for you."

lethallittlespiderx

His mouth on hers and she wanted nothing more than to melt into him as she had before. He had somehow given her life. Become a part of her life that she didn't want to live without. Fingers traced his face, committing it to memory even tho it was still firmly there. _But you're still only human._ "Skill and luck is what we rely on," she finally managed, the words heavy on her tongue. She leaned down, lips brushing against his. "We both know you can't make that promise James. Not like that."

onlylivestwice

"No," his voice was a whisper, humming just against her lips so she could feel it as well as hear it. "But you've given me a damn fine reason to."

lethallittlespiderx

"Dammit Bond." Not a shred of resistance to him. Had she ever had any? "I love you so damn much it scares me. And I don't want to lose you."

onlylivestwice

So she did love him. He thought so. It didn't scare him half as much as he thought it would do to hear it. "Then all I can do is my best and rely on an old friend of mine. _Carpe diem_." He kissed her again, this time differently, _lovingly_.

lethallittlespiderx

" _You are mine and I am yours and I will always love you._ " The words from the night before. It was enough for now, his words. They had to be. It wasn't like either of them could predict the future. No one could, not really. Arms wound around his neck. "Words to live by maybe." Was that what he'd done that first night as the resort? If so it had worked.

onlylivestwice

He met her gaze, sighed, _content_. For this one moment, he'd given in, let someone in again, let someone _underneath_ and he was _happy_. "I love you too." She was the last woman in the world he imagined to be saying those words to, but they were there. At one point he was convinced they'd throttle each other first before kissing, screwing and loving.

lethallittlespiderx

"Don't screw it up." It was a tease. Things would go as they go but for now... for now they were good.

onlylivestwice

"There's only _one_ cock up I intend to make..." he teased back, grinning.

lethallittlespiderx

"Well that's good since after the first one you usually need to catch your breath."

onlylivestwice

A hand slipped up her shirt, fingers roaming over her back. "I'm sure I can make you a _very_ happy woman tonight. In fact, I _want_ to." As if to punctuate it, he undone the clasp to her bra in a very slick, well rehearsed movement. Now his hand had found her front, grasping her breast, fingers teasing away at her. "You know, I think I'm ready for my dessert."

lethallittlespiderx

Breath caught, her body responding as readily as it always did. "You didn't _want_ to all the times before?" She questioned with a laugh. It was cut short at the tease tho, back arching. "Dammit I have no defense against you. None."

onlylivestwice

"Of course I wanted to. _Someone_ just so happened to make me lose it." He brushed over her peak, working her into the start of her pleasure. "It was good," he whispered in her ear. "I came so hard I didn't know what day it was for at least an hour." His fingers continued to work their way around her, this time with her other breast. "Do you remember what you did to me Natasha? Did you like it? Talk to me. Tell me what you like. Tell me every single thing you want me to do to you." Not happy with just her breasts alone, his fingers snaked their way down her body, touching and rolling over her navel until they slipped under her pants, touching her wetness. "Let go. _Just let go_. Let go like I did that night. Tell me." Even if she was incoherent and she babbled and moaned, he wanted to hear it. He wanted all of her and by now it was obvious he was already hardening underneath her.

lethallittlespiderx

Ok well that was a stroke to her ego. "I'm fully aware it's Sunday," she offered helpfully. She groaned at his touch. Standing? Probably unable to do it right now. A lop sided grin. "I don't think you need to know any more of my weaknesses. Besides _oh_..." The words were lost when he touched her lower. "Your hands. Your mouth. All over me." The words were choked out between gasps.

onlylivestwice

He smirked. "Somehow I thought so." Short work was made of her top and bra, lifting one over here head and slipping the other from her shoulders in quick succession. His finger was pressed against her most intimate, sensitive spot. For now he teased, coaxed, while his lips found their way to her chest, latching onto her breast, rolling his tongue around her peak and sucking.

lethallittlespiderx

His mouth was magic as always. When she had put them on her jeans had seemed fine. Now they were far too tight. The finger pressing against her caused her to squirm in his lap, half pulling away half wanting more. A hand found his hair again, grip tight while he played her body. The other was no better, clutching his upper arm. This was a calculated tease and she knew it.

"Nothing is better than having you inside me."

onlylivestwice

"That's good because I love feeling you wrapped around me," came his whisper. He moved his hand away, certain that it would only be disappointing to her. But now that was undoing her jeans and removing her underwear he knew that anticipation would only build. His damp hand brushed aside the bowl, the remaining pasta falling on the floor, ceramic shattering, a dent in the wooden flooring being evidence of their passions. His own clothes followed, stripping in front of her until he'd joined her. With his eyes locked on her own, he urged her with his hands to lie down on the table and when she did he wasted no time at all familiarising himself with her again, slowly easing his way inside.

" _Natasha..._ " The word alone sounded content. Complete. As if he'd found existence of heaven and a God to go with it.

lethallittlespiderx

Oh it was disappointing all right. He had worked her body into a sensitive mass. She was empty without his hand there. Hand worked her jeans, evidence of her own desire visible on his fingers. No matter how fast he was moving it wasn't fast enough even when hips shimmied out of jeans and panties at his urging. The shattering of the bowl made her laugh. God neither one of them had any patience like this, acting like two teenagers. Eyes never left his as he stripped his own clothes fingers touching as his body was exposed. She couldn't get enough. She could have him a thousand times and she would want him a thousand more. Want him every way possible. His slow push inside of her was exquisite torture. Knees bent allowing him the deepest access possible. With him buried inside of her all was right with the world. Nothing would ever be better than this.

onlylivestwice

From this position he could bury as much of him as he pleased in her, so he did just that. Starting off he rocked his hips slowly, his entire length sliding back and forth inside of her. But never once did he break eye contact. He wanted to see her, all of her.

lethallittlespiderx

Hand drifted down between them, fingers touching him. Feeling him move in and out of her. The other pulled at still damp, hard nipples. He drove her crazy. Another few thrusts, her hips meeting him each time. He was slick with her passion and that knowledge made her wetter. Finger rose to circle herself. The only way it could ever be better would be for his mouth to be one her like this as well. And since that wouldn't work she would take every inch of him he offered. "I don't remember being on the table during dessert offers you know." She sure as hell was now though. Dear god the planets were aligned and the angels were singing. They had to be.

onlylivestwice

His hips kept moving and noticing what she was doing, his hands moved to cup both her breasts, rough pads of his thumbs rolling over them. He wasn't losing himself like last time, but he was lost in so many other ways. "Tonight's special," he offered between a few heavy breaths. His lips twitched, smiling at her. God, he loved this woman! And it was terrifyingly obvious.

lethallittlespiderx

The contrast of the roughness of his thumbs with the way he touched her made them tighten even more and her back come off the table. She was touching him, them, again, her own fingers slick now. "Service for one then?" she asked, voice husky. He was going to drive her insane, the fire he always kindled under her skin would burn her alive.

onlylivestwice

Just as punishment, a very _pleasurable_ punishment, he gave a few sharp, hard thrusts of his hips. "I don't know about that," he said through a few pants now. Pulling her towards him. He sat back down on the chair, perching her on top of him. "I think this'll service you just fine." His hands were wrapped around her rolling her over him again and again. From this position he had to crane his neck to kiss her but he did so passionately. "Natasha..." her name fell from his lips again, unbidden, husky, loving.

lethallittlespiderx

Soft cries of pleasure, one of them ending in his name. He drove all sensibility from her, consumed her in every way. Part of her was scared she would completely lose herself in him. The rest of her was encouraging it. He drove deep when she dropped into his lap and she forgot how to breathe for a moment. She felt it down to her toes and when she finally remembered air it was a labored, hitching breath. Hands cupped his face while she kissed him, her cries swallowed by the kiss. When he spoke her name, it rolled across her hotly. Evidence of her desire for him had to be making a puddle now and she choked out a laugh at that. His hands ground her into him and she felt each pass with a shot of electricity down each leg. "You'll be my complete undoing..."

onlylivestwice

His hands urged her to work herself against him, his hips rising to meet her and counter her grinds. When he was more than satisfied she'd do it herself he matched her, hands cupping her face in return, sharing their kisses once more. "It's _only_ me, Natasha. Just let go." Bond stressed that one word as if she knew him intrinsically and for decades. Breathing was more ragged, uneven now. They were still _making love_ just far more frantic than in the bath. "Let go. Trust me." There was another breath. "You can trust me." There would never be any judgment in her direction, least of all for this.

lethallittlespiderx

Hips worked against his, her mouth finding his with a fevered pitch. She felt it start, the cascade of tingling coming from all directions, hitting her core. Felt the warm flood as she came a beat before the spams hit. Legs quivered against his, breathing punctuated with small, breathy sounds. "I don't have a choice," she laughed weakly. He did that to her though, stripped her of all the control she had. Left her weak in so many ways. "How do you do this to me?" The question was hushed. Her body was still shaking around him, the orgasm still coming in waves.

onlylivestwice

He felt it build and start, her quivering and tensing over his cock enough to make him tense. His hips continued, grinding her over him even though she was doubtlessly sensitive, seeing her through until the very end. "Shh. Just.. Let go." He urged. Though as soon as he said that he felt his own pleasure building and he gave in to her. It was only at the end of her own pleasure did he find his own. It was frantic and uneven, breathing unsteady but he followed her into bliss. Head back on the chair, eyes hooded, her name left his lips. His own spasms started, his hips stilling, emptying himself into her again with pulse after pulse.

lethallittlespiderx

Each movement made her legs quiver and forced small spasms around him. His paced changed and she knew it was coming. Lips found his neck, teasing the spot she had marked the night before, teeth grazing, pulling. She was still having mini quakes when he finished and she smiled against him. Weak she flopped against him, arms hooking around his waist loosely.

onlylivestwice

His arms snaked their way around her waist, his head pressed against her shoulder in post-coital bliss. He didn't move, letting himself soften inside of her. "Natasha..." he murmured quietly, lost in her yet again.

lethallittlespiderx

There was a happy, content sigh. She always hated the feeling of them physically parting and was more than fine with staying this way a while. "Was that make up sex?" she asked against his neck with a chuckle.

onlylivestwice

His arms wrapped around her, reluctant to move or do anything right now. Content, his hands roamed over her back, a smile on his face, eyes closed. He didn't say anything in that moment, just simply savoured their moment together.

lethallittlespiderx

"If you fall asleep on this chair you will never live it down." But she made no effort to leave either. His hands on her back was perfect knowing just where and know to touch her. One of these days they would have to try sex in the bed like normal adults.

onlylivestwice

"Might be preferable right now," he murmured, so content and comfortable where he was. "Shut up, Natasha..." he said through a wide smile.

lethallittlespiderx

She laughed and pressed a kiss to the pulse in his neck then his jawline. "Fine then," Natasha answered softly. Truth was she was just as content to be here as he was. Lost in a haze of _them_ , their scents mixed together still heavy in the air. Head went to his shoulder and she let her eyes close. This was right and to hell with anyone who tried to say otherwise.

onlylivestwice

Hands roamed over her back, his body completely relaxed now they'd made love again. He stifled a yawn, his smile saying everything in regards to post coital bliss. "I can carry you to the bedroom if you like."

lethallittlespiderx

"Shut up James." But she was smiling. Honestly she really didn't think he could and doing so meant giving this up. "Five minutes," she muttered.

onlylivestwice

"Five minutes," he agreed with a smile, pressing her against him, hands lazily roaming over her back, a content hum rising from him.

lethallittlespiderx

Snuggling closer to him she relished the feel of him. His body heat. Everything. Maybe the kitchen chair wasn't so bad... just a little stiff if they fell asleep here, right?

onlylivestwice

Before he knew it he was fast asleep, hands around her having loosened. Typical man. But he was happy. She'd made him feel fantastic again.

lethallittlespiderx

Typical man. His hands stilled and she felt it when he was gone. They had made love twice. No denying it. Had he just not been ready there, at the resort? Not willing to let her brain screw it up she shoved it all away. After a while she whispered in his ear, "Take me to bed James."

onlylivestwice

Her whispered words caused him to wake again, realising he'd drifted off. With her pulled against him, he stood and held her close, marching them off to the bedroom. Soon they were both in bed, her in his arms again, him extremely happy.


End file.
